Sunday, September 21, 2003
i like this peek
the weekend is over. these days are packed with presentations n projects. exams are near; in a few weeks time. times like this are hectic.
october is going to be long with him gone. i have an obsession, that is being fixated in someone's existence in my life. ppl who are close of cos. i hate changes. i hate it when ppl come n go. i hate having to adjust to new conditions but what choice do i have but to conform. call it conservative or whatever you want. im not down with a dynamic ever-changing environment. i guess i just want to have him around
he's still going to be around. i dont know til when. im sick and tired of being in this mess. (finding how i contradict myself on change)
ive never been a strong person who sticks by principles. i just live by the day and take life as it comes. im not a planner nor do i have big plans. and i make mistakes day to day. i cant help it but to give in to my emotions. yes. i am a sucker. i wish i was more like him. he creates boundaries for himself, n sticks with it. i need find the strength to believe in myself and create rules for my own good. im really in need of this.
i think thats enuff talk bout my emotional rollercoaster.
saturday, i went to the zoo with zul, izaril, aizat and haffiz. it was ok. i think it could have been more fun if haffiz was not there. im not used to having haffiz ard. not that i hate him but he just makes me feel uncomfortable. he puts up this silly front pretending to act all "big". haha i hate that. me n the rest, well we like to have fun i guess. we dont really care if u call it childish cos it dont matter. but haffiz, i guess its not too good with the front that he wears. lol
today, my cousin came over. hes a nice guy. i love him. he came to fix something. theres no one male person who lives with me so my mum has got to call him to help. hes so sweet. we called in for pizza. i had fun with him. its so much fun growing up with him. i couldnt think of growing up with anyone else. when he wanted to go home, i asked him if he wanted me to send him to the bus stop, he kindly rejected my offer.
my cousins love me. they visited me the other day saying they missed me cos they havent seen me in a while. i was so glad. then we went out. at the end of it, i went to meet a friend of mine and they were pretty concerned over me and pretty protective too. i love them :)
im all smiles when i think about them.