Sunday, February 22, 2004

saturday at home.

movie marathon from the rookie, crazy/beautiful, uptown girls to finding nemo. yesterday saw pi and pulp fiction. did i mention jay hernandez is delicious?

i complain too much and i like to blame it on pms. ahhhh. a bloody excuse. ok so some girls do suffer from pms but err i think i suffer from it like all the time. guilty as charged, its isnt pms. i admit im an over-sensitive moron who needs a tinge of reality to not go overboard n to touch the ground. tts for certain. pms is so over-rated.

confessions confessions. im delusional. i like to hurt you. i use words as my primary weapon. im actually weak and u dont even have to step inside my kneecaps to study my weakness. i have a personality disorder. i want to believe i need you. i use you as an excuse. i like to feel hurt. i dont mind ur constructive critisms whether it pulls me down, offends me or torments me. because i believe it should motivate me if it doesnt kill me. i dont consider you as my friend and i do not want to be your foe.

i do not many stories to tell. im just an average girl who likes to mess up. i do not want excuses. i want reasons. i need the evidence.

i wouldnt say ive seen too much that i'd rather shut my eyes. i wouldnt say i've been in too many predicaments to not go on. i do not have the saddest life to say im depressed. i do not want to care but the fact is i do. i do not want this complications because i want to live simple. i hate to tell lies and this is the truth. i do not have ulterior motives to put u in ur place. i do not decide where you belong. but i have the right to say this because this is mine.

im paranoid. i wouldnt say im much of a productive thinker. im a dreamer. im neurotic. i sound like im 50. i believe in god, in fate, in destiny. im not piious. i sin alot.

i would love to filter the impurities. i wish i could look at the world in the eyes of a 5 year old. im not wise either. i try to love myself but i cant if i u wont. i can, but i wont. i should, but i wouldnt.

i learnt that the brain is not able to tell between what is real and what is imaginary. perhaps it is your senses that helps you keep in touch with reality. if i try to envision vividly every detail, perhaps i might confuse myself. i hate reality.

reality is what i made for myself. n i only have myself to blame

i cant make u understand something that u wont. n tt works both ways.

it was nice knowing u.

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