Sunday, July 11, 2004

a few hours later..

i know i tried.
i didnt want to try again, but didnt have the heart to give up
rest assure it wasnt sympathy
i realize that ive said and done many things to intentionally hurt you. many times, too many times
i know we've been here before
now we're at it again
if at least one of us really wanted this, one of us would have been kind enough to push away the ego
no i never appear courageous when confronted with ego, neither have you
not differences, but similarities
remember the card i gave you
it wrote about how togetherness creates a reason for us to make life less difficult for one another
bcos reality has presented, life is not easy
remember how funny things used to be when we were together
i swear i almost felt that this could have worked out, could have pulled through
lately i learnt that was wrong, i learnt again and again
time has it that if i made the same mistake too many times, i'd know better
but i didnt
must be something wrong with me
remember how we promised to always remain friends
how naive, how many success stories have you heard
we'd sit for hours doing god knows what
and it was fun above all
i used to sob myself silly in the carpark when things got bad
i sat for hours with my loyal nicotine-unfriendly friend
hoping you'd valiantly save me
sometimes you did, most times you didnt
but thats how it has always been
when i was hoping, u were not. vice-versa
i was pathetic enough to sniff bits of ur cologne when u werent there
we had a book, two books
you to me, me to you
torn apart, vandalised, pasted back together, torn again
uncanny resemblance of the mess we're in
hoped and hoped for it get better
but it was my own goddamn fault
i should have known hoping is overrated
but no, no more should have done this, known this
no more please
i left you alone for a week
today the wind paid a visit with a smile
isnt that how things should always be; with a smile
it didnt last long
we've been here before
last week, remember?
i missed you recently
i hope to not miss you again
bcos everytime i do, i get hurt. u get hurt
i want happiness, for you and i, even if its apart
im lying
but we know what we have to do
i always meant for this to be simple
im sorry this became sour instead
i know i will miss you again in the near future
i know i will still hold you dear in years to come
i also do know that this is not possible, not this time round
i want the best for you with someone new, even
i hope she'll take care of you better than i can
do everything better than i can
thank you for tolerating plain old me

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