Monday, May 29, 2006

mad world

you are an agnostic
you can never seem to understand the past and present of politics
you read too much but still feel stupid
you feel too regulated and you accept it
you never had a relationship with your father
you saw your father only when he passed away
you try to be nonchalant but its impact is the size of a nagasaki
you hate family shows but like to watch them
you are late for work everyday
you feel sick everyday
you refuse to let anyone close to you
you cant pretend to be interested in something youre not
you feel hurt but cant feel sorry for yourself
you feel selfish for feeling pain because other people get stuck and break even bigger grounds
you have been told that pain is immeasurable
you still hope for some kind of a refulgent light that will salvage the world today
you desire the very thing you know isnt good for you
you hate your lazy nerve
you know you want to achieve so much more
you hate being called stupid
you hate being called ugly
you dont like it when someone underestimates your capabilities
you know that you can do so much more
you strive to be the daughter you know doesnt exist
you are the granddaughter who lives with her grandmother but hardly says a word to her
you are the ex-girlfriend of someone whose heart youve broken
you are still that ex-girlfriend
you seek some kind of salvation and youre starting to believe that it doesnt exist
you are afraid that these feelings are so strong that you may turn to a darker side
you are even more afraid that this may as well mark the end of your faith and the beginning of your end
you are petrified, everyday
you suddenly want to be alone
you are driven my material things that makes you smile a minute
you fool yourself by make-believing that your new ipod will be the call for bliss
you know its not true
you want it to be that simple when you know it isnt
you wouldnt write these things if you were whom you were 5 years ago
you used to not act like a grouch everyday
you sit infront of the monitor vent like it was your job
you emit so much but youre not getting enough
you dont really like your friends, not all of them
you cant stand your own face
you just told the closest person to you all of these and he said a sentence or two which didnt change your mad world
you expected it to
you really blame yourself for all of the above and whatever goes under
you dont want to believe in a heaven or hell
you dont want to live for an eternity
you just want to get it over and done with
you take people who love you for granted
you know your nicotine intake is killing you slowly
you feel like you are the worse person in this world who deserves the worse unimaginable punishment
you feel dirty
you cannot make another person understand the gravity of all these
you are wrong you are stupid
you are a waste of good time, effort and money
you would be happier dead
you need a cup of tea and a stick of cigarette
you really should be studying..... NOW!

3 comments:

Linda NJ said...

you, i re-declare shamelessly, are my best fren.
you are going to do fine.
you'll be ok.
and you are going to meet me after the 7th and 8th.
heh.

Linda NJ said...

re-declare? wait, that sounds as if i'd made a decision to not consider you as a best fren at one point in time, and so i re-declare you as one now. that's not wat i meant.

mebbe i shud go, "you, i declare again shamelessly, are my best fren." that sounds better? hehe =)

Anonymous said...

hahaha. you are so funny lah.

lurrrb you.

-azlin