Sunday, July 16, 2006

phases

Life phases live like punctuations do. It can be full of voluminous empty spaces, bigger question marks, barrels of commas and full stops. During certain phases, life swells up to consist a majority of the same punctuation, leaving little to no room for others.

As of now, I am in need of a full stop and I have been full of commas. Human nature is a peculiar thing. Trying to understand it would be as difficult as breaking the code of the world, the code of nature, the code of the universe. At least those codes had Maths and Science as its language and main channel of information. If solved properly, the answer would be robust and at the same time complicated.

Human nature is not so robust. Apparently, we were built for flexibility with a compromise that allows us to procrastinate at all times, which leaves me here. procrastinating.

I am a mere twenty something. I haven't had children. I haven't commited adultery. I haven't killed anyone (yet). With almost two dozen years, I have meager or no achievements. I've been told to keep an optimistic view of things. I've been told that life does come around.

So, it comes around ay? I think the main problem in life is waiting. We are always waiting for something to happen.

As kids, we waited to be adults who we thought could break all the rules.
As adults, we waited to find the one true love which would make life worth living.
As husband and wives, we waited for our own children to add colour to our lives and salvage our emotional rut.
As parents, we waited for our kids to become adults so that we can be free of responsibility.
As an elderly person, we wait for the other to die so that we can spend the insurance money for our own god damned selves.
As elders, we will wait for god to save us.

Personally, I am tired of waiting.

It is a tad weird how life is about patience and waiting which clearly contradicts human nature in most circumstances. If this does not apply to all, then at least it applies to me. I am impatient. One virtue down.

Ironically, I am waiting for a change, for an exclamation, for a peak that never falls. We all know that that doesnt exist. Its been said that in your afterlife you are rewarded or punished for whatever you did when you were here. Then, it goes on and based on my limited knowledge, no prophet has ever mentioned about life ending in its entirety which basically means that you have to live forever . Forever is a long time, in fact it is endless. It feels like having to fall in an abyss. I don't want forever. What i want is here and now.

Others believe in re-incarnation. Although richard linklater has expressed the idea as ridiculous because there would be not enough souls to replenish the living population today, I find this particularly interesting. Firstly, it would be cool to be another person or another animal. If you're in the same void of a body, you experience the same feelings differently. Secondly, your memory of whatever sufferings or happiness that you had previously is completely diminished or you dont remember it at all. This poses as a good thing for me. Lastly, you meet people you never knew you met in your past life and you could even be star-crossed lovers previously but the stars are better aligned now ala Romeo and Juliet.

I personally favour the latter which clearly implies that I am neither staunch nor full of faith. I had faith but my faith ran out of gas like how my words do.

I hate running out of words. If it were up to me, I'd write all day.
I hate running to chase time. Time is the biggest conforming bitch i know.
I hate running. I have a problem with most things that involve sweat glands. (This was written because I felt like it. It is not particularly true.)

If not today, perhaps tomorrow. We'll wait.

Well then, this has been rather lengthy.

No comments: