Sunday, March 2, 2008

mindnumb

i am out-of-my-wits-mind-numbing bored. i can't sit my ass down to study for the last paper because my mind is fixated on the fact that even if i fail this bloody paper, there's a good chance that i still fit the requirements for the passing criteria. i know that complacency isn't exactly a virtue but i can't help but be malay about it. yes, if you run out of excuses, blame your genetic make-up for being the over-claimed underachiever.

nonetheless, i've home-prisoned myself for several weeks with the exception of the ubin trip, hoping that god will grant me a small miracle to resurrect that minuscule brain of mine. and this leaves me here, writing a blog entry trying to reason with myself. aaaaah, the mindless internal conflicts that i have to weather. like so much pain like that, when all it takes is just a bit of effort.

as far as this goes, this has been nothing short of defeating the purpose of reasoning in the first place. maybe, i shall be granted a last minute miracle where i would suddenly be enlightened on the topics of career development and the like. a refulgent light would surprise me at the end of the dark narrow tunnel, covered with moss, where creatures of the night and those who have fallen through cracks reside. but i think we're all veterans when it comes to our deeply disappointing experience with hope. hope is an illegitimate child, hereditary to bitch.

see i told you about this irrational internal conflicts that i so fail to understand, causing me to raise foul cards to innocent entities like hope. i am a sad pathetic hopeless creature. the antonym to brightest of bulbs and cream of the crop.

beat yourself up battle, you self-absorbed mofo. word the mother.

1 comment:

Fadli said...

You wrote so beautifully. So smart.