Friday, August 1, 2008

rat in a cage and all that rage

It's one of those days you wake up wishing you could put the whole damn world on mute, pull the blinds down and tuck yourself alone in bed with nothing and no one.

It's amazing how I mysteriously find myself rushing to work every morning, hoping to please a figure I don't know and couldn't care less about. Then I sit my ass down on a cubicle, like a rat in a cage, except I get to wear earphones.

There should be no shame in being painfully honest. I couldn't say the same for cock and bull crap like pretentiousness and self-praise.

I am weak. I am flawed. I am the most selfish person I know. I am clearly not the stellar female (nor the alpha male). I'm needy and dependent. I try my very best to live my life pleasing myself and not others. After all, you never quite get what you give.

You put the truth out there, and if people find that you're not half-bad, it means that you've overdelivered in terms of expectations. Underpromise and Overdeliver: that's marketing. Clearly, the years spent in lecture halls hasn't rubbed off.

I suppose a more diplomatic paraphrased term is called managing expectations. Diplomatic is not exactly a trait of someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. But for you, I'll make an exception. This is about you but I won't be calling names.

Relationships are the root of all human suffering. You can sink or swim the ocean for this ship has been wrecked.

If you're in a ship and in the middle of a vast ocean and you saw a waterspout ahead, you don't embrace the tornado. Well, I will but I trust that everyone else won't. Your survival instinct will tell you to take a turn or another route. Staying quiet about this foretold disaster won't exactly find you in a colourful comfortable place with green pastures and butterflies.

The daily decisions we make, no matter how small, defines who we are. You've clearly made your decision. If you're emotionally unavailable because we're physically distant, then so be it. I'm hurt but I'll live and in time, forgive.

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