Sunday, March 20, 2011

silence

Sunday nights have always been a bit of a headfuck for me. The silence stirs a kind of an emotional turmoil which knocks the strength off my kneecaps, and I fall. It happens in a way that so suddenly, the moment freezes, and I am bitchslapped by the fear and uncertainty of the future.

That fear follows me around like a shadow in the darkest corner of my consciousness and on some days, it seizes me the better part of me. On such nights, I try to rationalize that fear. I have always made a conscientious effort to live my life as an open road. I guess I understand now that that fear comes from being open. When you are open, you allow yourself to be authentic, at the expense of being vulnerable. But really, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I feel like a pauper, because all I can afford are these words and in my best faith, I can only trust that it would be enough. I guess my point is that its time to embrace the fear.

- love and light, adrenalene

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