Monday, June 6, 2011

sometimes

Sometimes, I feel like a rubber band. I expand and contract to fit the size and variations of the different versions of life situations. First of all, I have no acrobatic nor yoga experience. The functionality of my psychomotor is in itself a questionable matter, so flexibility is non-existent. Since 1 really is the loneliest number, there is no way that I can bend and break like Mr Fantastic (4).

Sometimes, I feel that these different versions of life situations is much like a bugged out Windows program. I upgrade my firmware periodically but these updates sometimes worsen the condition, more than fixing the initial problem. Well, even Apple makes mistakes.

Sometimes, I feel like a fire fighter. I am constantly anticipating the unforeseen mishaps. My approach is reactive but even with safety measures, I am always running in circles, on patrol because like everyone else, I know that what can go wrong, will go wrong. So, I wait.

Sometimes, I feel like a clown. I parade this circus and seek joy from the people around me to mask my own inadequacy. I hide behind war paint, and tattoo a permanent smile to ward away those rainy days but my ways are futile and my joy is borrowed and fragile.

Sometimes, I feel that truth is a deception, subjected to how you perceive it. In actuality, there are only lies. Lies we tell ourselves to make living a bit more manageable because at the end of the day, we are all hopeful byproducts of the lost generation.

Sometimes, I feel like collateral damage. In order great things to happen, the lesser things should be trampled on, so you could reach a step higher to your peak. In this equation, I am the lesser constant. I wonder when you will be done with this phase before you mature into progression.

Sometimes, I feel like a chameleon. I change myself to fit in, instead of standing out and singing proud. I seek the similar likes and dislikes from others to find a common connection, which I have always valued. Now, I find that I am paying a high price for it. But more so, I am unsure of what makes me, me.

Sometimes, I really want to tear it all down and break it apart. Then, you come around and remind me that my happiness is my own. This time, I've decided that I appreciate sadness for its beauty, but I wasn't made to be just that. It’s time to be happy now, and no one is going to take that away from me.

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked, it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing.

Hold your own,
Know your name,
Go your own way,
And everything will be fine.

- Details in the fabric

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