Wednesday, August 10, 2011

/cry

Ok, now is the time for me to be self-piteous.

I hate PMS. Period.xs

On some months, it gets pretty emotional and I can no longer fence in the nonsense in my head, the floodgates open and the tear-jerking becomes pretty unsightly.

This month was by far my worst episode of this year. I cried everyday of the week and I started thinking something was seriously wrong with me. I would take a statement and turn it into a life sentence for myself. I fully understand the consequences of doing this shit to myself, but it's as if I don't know better at that point of time.

These hormonal changes does very weird things to me and I'm reduced to a whiny sensitive needy girl that no ones likes. I don't want to be that sad not-so-little girl. I want to be 'Barney Stinson awesome' and legendary. Tears are not so much the stuff of legends!

Don't get me wrong, I would savour an occasional cry but feeling down and out everyday is just so last century.

In the past, I used to turn my these lesser feelings into anger as a coping mechanism, and I would be unaffected and indifferent to my circumstances. Clearly, that isn't healthy but I feel unshaken because it gets channeled into something else. Now, I hold it in its true-form but I do not know how to turn that shit into gold, or more specifically, into something positive. Paulo Coelho has got to get down to a step-by-step guide of alchemy. Obrigada.

I still haven't figured how I will rough out the week before the next crimson tide for my next cycle. Pelan2 kayuh, I guess. I'm bent backwards about looking forward.

Till the next hello,
- love and light, period.xs

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