Tuesday, November 8, 2011

tuesday morning

I woke up from a dream where I was in distress and a good friend came to me and gave me strange comfort. I snoozed at the thought of work. I finally woke up at the thought that I have to anyway.

I'm on my way to work and Patrick Wolf's This Weather is playing in this gloomy weather. Coincidence on a Tuesday morning. My body is still asleep but my mind is wide awake.

My thought strays away to you and wonders where and how you are. This is nothing new. I tell myself to trust in the outcome, and that things are unfolding as it should. This gives me no comfort at all. Perhaps one day I will believe these words that I tell myself so often.

I stare at these words and read them again as I type back and forth. I wonder what the spaces in between really means. I wonder if these designated punctuations act like traffic signals to the flow of my thoughts. I wonder if you will forgive me for the occasional grammar mistake.

Always wondering. Never knowing.

A picture sits on my phone. It says 'There is no certainty. There is only adventure.' I think about how fake I've made myself to be. I think about the people I love and how my proximity to them gives me no certainty of who they really are and it goes around full circle. I think about the infinite possibilities in the face of uncertainty. I think about adventure as if it was a part of a distant past.

I begin to grow accustomed to the irony and I keep the song on repeat, the same way I recycle these thoughts in my head that haunts me in dead of night.

- less love and light, adrenalene

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