Tonight, I took a long stroll, hung out with the moon, while playing the forgotten songs in my old playlists. It has been so long since I last communed with the night, and it was awesome just showing up to the sweetness of doing nothing, and enjoying the moment. I've been less of the living and more of the fretting when it comes to the moment these days.
Since I have alot of time on my hands for now, I have been watching back to back episodes of FRIENDS, and tonight I was at Season 6 where Chandler throws Monica off on topic of marriage because he had intentions to propose and wanted it to be a surprise. On the other hand, Richard, her ex-boyfriend, whom she had a tough time getting over, proposes to her while the man she loves now is giving her the impression that he doesn't want a future with her. Then came the sweetest marriage proposal and it's all waterworks from there. Monica and Chandler are my favourite TV couple, only because Chandler loves Monica for all that she is, even her compulsive obsessions. So sweet, you guys!
I rambled on abit there about something completely unimportant. Come to think of it, I've never actually had anything important to say. I just use this space to word out the thoughts in my head in hopes I would have space to store new ones. I think this blog is alot like an external hard drive to clear out the main storage space in my head. Oh, the limitations of being a half machine, half human.
Since I have again begun comparing my life to a computer, then I might as well add that at this point of my life, I'm in my control panel, under 'Add or Remove Programs'. Honestly, I'm alot like a sponge and I soak up the energy of those around me. Because of the way I am, my consolation is to remove the programs, people and things that makes me feel negative. Perhaps, one day, when I am upgraded on a robust platform, I will no longer succumb to my environment and really, I mean really, make it up as I go along.
Last weekend, I went to Batam with my sisters to be in the company of an orphanage and some kids from a faraway village. I could never repay them what they gave me, which was some perspective. I have a tendency of drowning myself in the details of my own life, and focus on bitter end and broken eras, that I forget that we are capable of much more than ourselves. Maybe the key here is lose yourself, not in the midst of madness, but in the joyness of being.
I guess it comes down to this. If your heart is empty, it doesn't matter how much you have in your pocket, you'll always be broke. In that short moment, I saw how these kids lit up and warmed up to us. These little people, who have little, really have the most.
It is in our nature to never be satisfied with what we have, we always want more, and we always think that something is better. 'If' is the devil that keeps your mind idle from embracing the moment.
If not now, when. Right?
- love and light, adrenalene