Friday, April 19, 2013

I remember when one of the nurses told me that I had to be hospitalized for at least 3 months, I literally felt every inch of me scream for help, resisting what I soon realized was inevitable.

My first three weeks was spent heavily sedated in bed. Much of what I could remember was a mish-mash of dreamlike situations with people I wasn't sure were real or if they were just a figment of my imagination. After that, I slowly gained consciousness and reality began to sank in. I realised that I had alot of work to do and although it was indefinite if I was ever meant to climb mountains, I would have to muster the strength and determination to peak this experience.

I can't tell you the number of times I broke down because it is hard to accept what has happened and the simplest of things became a mammoth task. I still cry and I still worry looking at my situation now, wondering how I will fare in my future situations.

Suddenly, I couldn't rely on myself. I've always known that I could not rely on people. My own self-inflicted and extensive experience on depending on people has marred me enough and now I am helpless. This, in itself, had red flags on the subject of reliance which I do not have the words nor the energy to begin about at this point of time.

Here I am, on the day of my discharge, lying on the bed in my ward with the ringing realization that my past 3 months was merely the beginning of a tidal storm. This part of my life has only just begun.


Anonymous said...

New kinds of adventures!! ADVENTURE TIME!!

Anonymous said...

Insyallah, He will give you strength and courage to go on this life journey. And someone wise once said in one of her blogposts,

"When it comes to the subject of travel, some journeys are best alone; some journeys are better together; some journeys are inward; some journeys are outward. Each journey has a meaning and a purpose, even those that seem to lack them. We all look for different things when it comes to journeys. Our lessons may differ but our destinations are the same"

huggssssss! :)

Azlin A. said...