The devil is in the details. It begins with dwelling on one detail, and like a virus, the details spread. Before you know it, you're suffocating by the irrationality of a picture that you drew with the details that you picked. Then, you inconveniently ask, how did I get here?
I know this too well because I've been here before. I guess it takes one to know the other so your actions are a reflection of mine.
I have always been driven by very powerful emotions that limits my ability to reason, so I completely understand how you feel, bro. My emotions have destroyed me time and time again. When the only thing that I obey are my desires, I become a bad slave and an even worse master to myself.
If you're looking for comfort, get a bolster. If you're looking for someone to obey you, get a robot. If you're looking for love, rihanna says to find it in a hopeless place. If you're looking for security, buy a lock. If you're looking for assurance, buy insurance. If you're expecting someone's gratitude, don't do anything for anyone.
You're looking for something that doesn't exist until you believe it does. After all, what is truth without certainty. The world is as you think of it. The more I think, the more I am not. So, take me as I am, as I am not.