Thursday, May 9, 2013

You don't need to know everything. You don't even need to know alot. I've seen men destroy themselves with knowledge. I've seen them speak so eloquently, convincing me that they are of higher ranks and better places. Clearly, intelligence is no measure of a man's heart. What is the point of a sound mind that speaks with an impure heart?

My heart is in a broken place. So it speaks of treacherous things. If there is no acceptance, there is no trust, there is no certainty, there is nothing then.

I keep thinking about the state of being broken. Someone told me that that was the perfect position, and in some way, brokenness is the state to enter into prayer.

I see myself slide back and forth, somewhere between hope and fear. Too much hope and my expectations exceed, I lose sight of gravity. Too much fear, I wallow into dead and past things, I am buried under a rubble. Hope pushes me higher and fear tries to pull me to the ground. I see them fight their plea. I see them both trying to protect me.

Everyone is right. Everyone is wrong. When something is good, everyone secretly wants credit. When something is bad, everyone is openly guilt-free and pointing fingers. But really, so what? So, what now?

It is not just about good or bad. The bad parts get to the good parts, and the good parts to the bad. It is what you do with the bad parts that make the good better. It is what you did with the good parts that made the bad parts bad. In the end, it is all the same, and it is about showing up in your experiences.

In my experience, I hope it consumes me until I disappear under my own skin. Now, watch me burn.

- love and light, adrenalene

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