Friday, August 23, 2013

I had a dream, but there was nothing Martin Luther King about it. I think my soul was trippin' or sumda. I was having a conversation with a friend in KL and we were talking about age and maturity.

For real, this is not something I even bother about but in that dream, I asked my friend how old his girlfriend is. He simply said to me that she is as old as she is, so I was like, dude, just tell me her age.

Then he told me that age, based on time, had no significance to anything. Your real age is a sum of your decisions and experiences, the way you look at the world, how you behave in the present moment. That is how your age looks like.

Age is measured by time, but time is so relative. Age is society's yardstick to things you're expected to have or be. For example, 

6 : Go to school
16: Complete Secondary Education
19: Complete Tertiary Education
21: Complete a Bachelor's Degree
22: Start Working
25: Get married
26: Have children
62: Retire
80: Waiting to die

Age is a yardstick for society just as height ia a yardstick for rollercoasters. According to the timeline, I'm still 22. I could also be 62, and on some bad days, I'm 80. That makes me the anti-christ of Benjamin Button. Age is an inaccurate measure. Or maybe I'm in denial because I'm turning 29 in a few months so my mind is passively bothered and decided to dream about it. My mind has a mind of its own. Dear mind, please think better thoughts and have better opinions.

In other news, I had my face restitched and there are probably 40 stitches. Youch, I know. I guess I should change my moniker to Scarface, except I don't think monikers should be allowed for anyone above 25. 

My heart broke today when I spoke to an old friend. I feel so lousy for being a bad person in general who has ill thoughts about people and hold grievances. My friend was my exact opposite. 

In all honesty, I think my only legit reason for my lousy ways is that I have a fear of loss. I guess that is why I speak about it so often. It is because I am still afraid of losing the things that mean alot to me. I've tried to work on it for a pretty long time but it doesn't look like I've gotten far with it.

I've been engaging in more monologues because dialogues are abit too much of an interaction, since it involves another party and I could easily lose control of what I might say. Perhaps, it is best to keep silent and hold my peace. I would love to give a piece of my mind but why should I appease my mind when my own thoughts are treacherous. I am much too vulnerable for that right now because speech can be lethal and I am my own worst nightmare.

Till next time,

- love and light, adrenalene

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