Thursday, July 3, 2014

I hold certain beliefs. Its funny that if you asked me what they were, I could never quite verbalize them. It seems as though my thoughts conceal them and my interactions uncover them. I may come off as strong-headed because I am impassioned by what my mind thinks to be true. I might even get into trouble from time to time when I lack subtlety and discretion. It does get confusing when you displace a situation between the right time and space.

Today, I felt shaken because belief is a place that is in synced with your heart and mind. I couldn't get it right fundamentally and you could only build a mountain from the ground up. What space dare I hold at the pinnacle when my debacle lies at the foundation. Nothing culminates when everything is about to disintegrate.

I fake a smile each time this happens. On a good day, I go on pretending like I was built strong but god knows how I tremble within. I return home to my fears, like an obligation. I go through a temporary identity crisis. A mish mash of who I think I am, who I really am and who I am not. I get scared when I don't know what to believe.

A belief gives you direction and it pulls you through distances. Without it, you're just living passively and it is odd when people confuse passivity for spontaneity. Well, spontaneity is a luxury I no longer have pockets for. Some people just go with the flow. Some people chase the world. Some people let the world chase them. What you believe is your world, as is what you seek, seeks you.

I guess you have to not know in order to know. There is an air in doubt that can only filled with water for it truly occupy a form. I think I just went either confucious or just confused up in this bitch.

I could just be plain confused between a fool's hope and belief. Anyone with hope needs a lack of mind because questions beget questions. Smart people are all over the place. That shit is tired, that mind needs rest.

- love and light, adrenalene

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