Thursday, February 12, 2015

follow your heart

For someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, I've done nothing but that. Following my heart never cemented happiness. Always follow your heart, they say. That never quite worked out for me. I wonder if it did for them.

I have to think that I can change my thoughts, so I can. Just as I can change my thoughts, I can change my feelings.

So, new experiment. Each time I feel a particular way, I will oppose it with a different reaction. If intention is best kept hidden, then I can wear a mask. I can conceal it till no one knows it exists. It would be our little secret.

Does saying any of the above give me an air of mystery? Cause I think I need it. Wearing your heart on your sleeve makes you an open book, and when people read you that way, some just want to skip to the ending. The odd thing is that I don't know my own end but I guess some people possess prophetic powers. Or they just say enough bad things, and when those shit becomes true, you have a prophecy. Or was that just Murphy's law?

You must never let them figure you out. Once they do, you are as good as dead. Dull and uninteresting things fade to the background. But invisibility has its own powers. Actually, it is an art to remain invisible and only reveal yourself to the ones that matter.

I'm pretty sure I messed this up. Building high defences might keep strays away but some people love the climb. They're the dangerous ones. It is not the mountain that they love, it is the challenge. It is to feel like you are above everyone. It is to see the world at bird's eye, for that brief moment of ___. The mountain is but a stack of rocks, and you'd have to be somebody to make it to the peak. Everyone wants to be somebody. Meaning gives to existence a living. So, you work for it. But there are higher mountains, there are steeper climbs. If we're merely territorial, then we're worse than animals. They don't have a conscience. What did you compromise your conscience for? I hope you traded it for something better.

If it is death that makes us strive for power and authority, then to have nothing is to be alive. Ownership could only mean that you are paying a price for a different name. It is not as easy as changing your name to change who you are.

Honestly, I don't know the difference. I wonder if it will always be a circus act. I am that acrobat walking a thin line. Look below, I am afraid. Look ahead, it is too far. Look behind, I lose balance. 

Or maybe I am just confused.

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